Thursday, 30 April 2009

It's so taxing

Being the perennial last-minute guy that I am, I've just managed to squeeze in my income tax returns by e-filing a few minutes ago. Luckily I could access the Inland Revenue Board's computers because the servers were jammed when I tried them yesterday.

I have just realised that we can now claim for deduction of expenses for sports equipment up to a maximum of RM300. This includes purchase of consumable sports items such as golf balls and shuttlecocks. Looks like I better resume playing badminton again this year.

I started posting in this month of April with a joke so maybe it's good to close with a joke too. This time, it is about an Irishman who meets his tax inspector.

Paddy and The Taxman

The Inland Revenue decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough Tax Inspector in the office. The Tax Inspector is not surprised when Paddy shows up with his solicitor.

The Tax Inspector says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Paddy. "How about a demonstration?"

The Tax Inspector thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. You're on!"

Paddy says, "I'll bet you a thousand pounds that I can bite my own eye."

The Tax Inspector thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it.

The Tax Inspector's jaw drops.

Paddy says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye."

The Tax Inspector can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned Tax Inspector now realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Would you like to go double or nothing?" Paddy asks. "I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The Tax Inspector, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains like hell, he can't make the stream reach the bin on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the Tax Inspector's desk.

The Tax Inspector leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a big win. But Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the Tax Inspector asks.

"Not really," says the solicitor. "This morning, when Paddy told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me 10,000 pounds that he could come in here and pee all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it!"

12 comments:

mamasita said...

Hahahaha
Great joke! I love this Paddy guy but I love his solicitor even more! hahaha
Bolehnya Paddy kenakan dia jugak! hahaha

Emila Yusof said...

hahahaha

D said...

You got me in stitches there! :)

Madam Markonah said...

Ahahaha! Good one.

Pak Zawi said...

Wanna try this trick one day hehehehe.

HLiza said...

Yeh yeh we submitted the tax return early this year..and I played my part this time, not relying 100% on my hubby anymore. A doctor friend said I'm not that wise for not wanting to learn the process..so this year I learned a lot of things. Happy weekend Oldstock!

VersedAnggerik said...

Hehehe.... funnee!!!

Me, I've got till the end of June to file in my tax return! Tapi itu pun, mesti buat last minute punya!

Oldstock said...

Pak Zawi,

Jangan la... kesian nanti meja pegawai LHDN tu basah, heheheh :-)

Oldstock said...

Hliza,

After so many years of filing my tax returns under this self-assessment scheme, I still think that LHDN can make the process much simpler. The forms are quite complicated and the explanatory notes sometimes do not help at all.

Every year I seem to get notices for additional payment to be made whereas my scheduled deductions indicate that I have overpaid. Now I don't know if I owe them or they owe me.

Enjoy your weekend.

Oldstock said...

Verse,

Aha! You're a successful businesswoman, sebab boleh file return sampai bulan Jun. Kita ni makan gaji je.

Patricia said...

Good one, Oldstock! I'm sending to my husband!

hanitha said...

salam bro, good one.but mesti berbau kan! urghhhhhh.....take care