Friday, 31 August 2012

Sometimes it doesn't last...

I have been pondering for a while whether to post this, the reason being that it is not a happy story. There is always this reservation of possible regret, or being ashamed or causing embarrassment. As the Malay proverb goes, membuka pekung di dada.

But then life is not always about the rosy things that happen. It is not always a fairy tale. We have to take the bitter with the sweet. Langit tidak selalu cerah. Writing about it may not change anything but hopefully it will serve as a reminder to myself that things do go wrong sometimes, and that there is nothing that we can do about it. Except to learn and persevere.

In the past year and this one, two of my closest kin ended their respective marriages. By some twist of fate, it is the youngest sibling of each family, one from my side of the family while the other is from my wife's.

My youngest and only sister got married in January 2000. It was a very happy occasion. I played a lead role in the wedding arrangement, helping to plan the proceedings and even became the `ketua rombongan', a role traditionally held by my father. Things went nearly perfect and we received praises from guests and relatives who attended. It was a good training for me because in the near future, the experience would be useful when I plan for the weddings of my own children.

My sister's marriage lasted almost 12 years. She and her husband divorced some time last year. I had suspected that things were not going well for quite a while but I have never asked her on the details. It is not that I don't bother but I prefer that she comes to me voluntarily for advice. She chose not to.

She has never revealed to me the real reasons for the break-up except to offer the well-used reply of `we are not compatible any more'.

So who is to blame, if indeed there is a need to find fault? As it stands and based on my own assessment of the situation, I would not blame my former brother-in-law. In the years of being married to my sister, he has behaved in a very respectful manner. He speaks in a soft tone and gets along well with my sons and his other nephews and nieces.

I know it is hard not to side with my own kin but that's the way it is. Some things will never change... although we pray hard for them to. Subsequent to her separation, my sister's life has been going downhill. I helped her out of trouble on occasions but sadly she does not keep to her promise of changing for the better.

Am I disappointed? Yes, I am.

Do I love her any less? No, I don't. But my patience has its limit.

Ok then, now to the other sibling story. Two weeks ago, during the aidilfitri gathering on my wife's side of the family, we received news that my wife's youngest brother is now back to being single. The divorce actually occurred a few months earlier but my brother-in-law chose to keep most of his family in the dark. Needless to say, my wife (plus the other sisters) are very disappointed. But we will leave it at that, for now.

Selamat Hari Merdeka to all Malaysian friends and readers. May the Almighty grant us peace and patience in all the tough situations we face in our daily life.


HLiza said...

It happened to my beloved sister after just 3 months in marriage. The celebration of her wedding was the grandest; but it turned out it was also the biggest mistake we had ever made. I believe Allah had planned all these Pak Oldstock; everybody including the couples involved has lessons to learn. It is sad but for those involved life has to go on I guess. Selamat Hari Raya Pak..heard about you visiting Ahan!

Oldstock said...


Yes, I read about what happened to your sister. A real sad story too. I cannot imagine the heartbreak and disappointment.

Ahan's husband (Koka) was transferred from Pontian hospital to Puteri Speciaist hospital in JB, which is quite near where I stay. That's why I could make the visit. Lagipun I have met Koka previously in Kuantan and so happen that he's working in a company that is part of the group where I used to work. Jadi adalah common story yang boleh dicerita. Very friendly couple, Ahan and Koka.

Amelia said...

Hi Oldstock, thanks for sharing. Marriage life is never a bed of roses everyday. There are always up and down, many thing can causes the conflict. Both husband and wife need lots of patience, understanding and trust.

It's always jealously and possessive that lead to quarrel and misunderstanding. Lucky it's never in me or else long ago mati already. LOL

But guess fate and destiny play a very big part in our life too. It it's not meant to be together, we just have to let go....

Have a nice day, regards.

Oldstock said...


Indeed, for a marriage to last, patience, trust and understanding is key. While it is true that some things are not meant to be together, we should always strive to part on good terms. Thanks for dropping by.