Wednesday, 28 October 2009

The need to know

Sometime last week a friend from Kuala Lumpur rang me up to ask for a favour. I couldn't directly do what he asked but I can try get help from someone else. So I said, let me check with someone and I'll get back to you.

Called my brother on his mobile but there was no answer. Called wife at home to ask if she has my brother's house number (I know she has, because wife and sis-in-law always chit-chat). Yes? Okay, sms me the number.

Called brother's house. Sis-in-law picks up. Surprised to hear my voice. I ask for her husband. Not home yet she says. Usually home by 9pm. Does not answer his mobile because he's probably still offshore. Anything important? Nah, I said... will call back around 9.

Just about to leave the office at 7pm when brother returns call on my mobile. Need your help, I said, to do this and this.

Brother : Urgent?

Me : Preferably tonight or latest by tomorrow lunchtime.

Brother : Hmm... should be possible. Let me check and I'll call you back.

15 minutes later, brother texted me, saying that favour has been done. Thanks, I texted back. Also texted my KL friend, everything settled.

I reach home. Wife asks why I wanted brother's home number.

Me : Couldn't get him on his mobile. So I need to try his home.

Wife : Was it urgent?

Me : Not so.

Wife : So you called him at home?

Me : Yes, but sis-in-law answered.

Wife : Why did you want to call him?

Me : To ask him to do something.

Wife : To do what?

Me : To do this and this...

Wife : Why?

Me : Because a friend from KL asked for my help.

Wife : Why did your friend need you to do that?

Me (already pissed off by now) : I don't know why! I'm just helping a friend!

Wife starts to sulk. Spoils the rest of the evening.

A few days later, met up with my brother at his house. Apparently, when he got home that night, he also faced a barrage of questions from his wife. Why did big brother call you? Was it urgent? To do what? Why did he ask you to do that?

The interrogation also ended with the terse response of, `I don't know why! I'm just helping out my brother!'

Women... always need to know down to the finest detail. Here's a tip for you ladies, if your husband gives short, sharp replies to your questions, then better stop being curious and don't push it. There's no need for you to know everything.


3yearshousewife said...

Curiosity is our nature, what to do...Thanks for the tip.

Ayda said...

my husband usually is patient in answering my questions........ but then I paced my questions and deliver them with feeling of concern :)

zafi said...

i hope you r fine Mr..
yeah its their nature to keep asking... nagging...
to certain extend its good! :)

Uncle Lee said...

And thats why I don't understand women.
They are meant to be loved, not understood....then again all the money in the world will be no use if no sarongs around, ha ha ha, Have a nice day, Lee.

Pak Zawi said...

It seems to be a universal happening. The wife's ears seems to be attentive to anything that we say on the phone and will inquire on the details.
The ladies should take heed from your advice as this is a sound advice.

Snakebite said...

my eife has stopped asking questions like that after many answers of "mana lah saya tahu...."

Rina said...

Speak On behalf of All Women In The Universe..

When we have a sinking feeling in the pit of our stomach, something is not right but we can't quite figure out what that feeling is about... we will starting to bombard with endless questions and curiosity.. You know what we mean?


As ‘3yearshousewife’ said… Curiosity is our nature!

…Which sometimes lead to the kepoh-ness. :)

NanaDJ said...

Of course we want to know what is going on. Why can't you tell the truth that you are helping someone and that the matter is very confidential instead of making the ladies more suspicious and allowing their imagination to play havoc?.

Tommy Yewfigure said...

Hi Oldstock, {my commiseration to u}

I can sense u r under tremendous stress lately…..hahaha. But the mother of all question is; ‘Does my bum look BIG in this?’……….errrr…..{*slap on forehead*}

Women cannot seriously expect a man to go shopping all day in an overheated mall full of sweaty, boring ppl & stand, sometimes for hours, outside a change room, shrugging sadly at other sweaty, bored men, while u try on 15 pairs of identical trousers & ask ‘Does my bum look big in this?’ every time.

In my long painful experience of trying to answer this fiendish question, I have yet to work out the correct response. If we answer truthfully- {‘Not especially, I think they’re fine.’}, you become despondent because we’re not being positive enough. If we answer very truthfully – {‘I don’t care what your bum looks like. Can we please go home now?’}, u become enraged. If we lie – {‘OMG, they’re perfect. Your bum looks miniscule.’}, u become suspicious & ask a supplementary question, such as; ‘You’re just saying that so we can go home, aren’t u?’ And the nervous flicker of our eyes in response finds us out. And u make us go to a whole new shop. Aarghh. Don’t take us shopping! We LOVE u whatever u r wearing. As long as it’s slutty, but in a classy way. And we weren’t involved in its purchase :):)

Common ladies, tolong lah, give us a break.


Anonymous said...

But.. but.. Mr Oldstock, you still have not answered the question: What did your friend ask you to do? We all here all tengah suspense la, brader!!

Anonymous said...

Acting kind of tough, aren't you my friend.

Sure the dinner will be ready and waiting when you go home after work today ? Why not ta pau something just to be on the safe side.


pakmat said...

Salam Oldstock..wives are sensitive to brothers ganging up, that's all..experience had taught them that when bros do a hunchup, it always something that they do not want the wives to know..and wives cannot stand not knowing..mine anyway..:)..mana tau..kut-kut..

Justiffa said...

Oldstock - i think the need to know everything stems from a fear of being left out.. and left behind. men are always busy with important stuff & i guess the wives are just a wee bit concerned they'd be forgotten ;)

Me, i've learnt that in certain instances, its best to give the hubs a wide berth lol

You take care now :D

Oldstock said...


It was curiosity that led top Pandora opening the box.

The tip that I gave works for me. Hope it also works for your husband :-)

Oldstock said...

Hi Ayda,

You are right on that point. The approach has direct influence on the effect. But then again, there is a need to know on how much you can ask. Some men don't mind telling everything but I'm not one of them.

Welcome to this blog. do drop by again soon.

Oldstock said...


I'm fine, my friend. Everything's cool now :-)

Oldstock said...


I remember someone said that women are God's most beautiful creation. Even though we snap at them once in a while, there's no denying that we love them with all our hearts.

You have a nice weekend, my friend.

Oldstock said...

Pak Zawi,

I sort of expected such queries to come and actually wanted to avoid calling my brother's house. I faced such situations before. Bukan taknak bagitau kesemuanya tapi kekadang tu tak berhenti bertanya.

Bila kita tak bagitahu, maknanya perkara tu tak penting lah. Tapi... masih nak tahu jugak! Aduuuhhhhh...

Oldstock said...

Tok snake,

When we say, `manalah saya tahu..' the real intention is to stop the question session, even though we may actually know the real answer. This means that we have told a small lie.

This response is the kinder approach compared to the more direct, `Will you stop asking me questions!'

Oldstock said...


Yes, I can understand that you ask because you are concerned. You may have that feeling that something is not right... but actually everything is all right. No need for you to worry, and therefore no need for you to know, heheheh...

Oldstock said...


The objective of making ladies more suspicious and let their imagination play havoc is intentional :-)

Jangan marah ye, hehehe...

Oldstock said...

Hi Tommy,

The stress is over, my friend. I'm cool.

Luckily, I've never had to face the `does my bum look big in this?' question.

There was this one incident some years back. My wife tried on a new dress that her dressmaker had made for Hari Raya, based on a sample of another dress. It was a tight fit and she complained that the dressmaker had not correctly followed the measurements of the sample dress.

I muttered, `Baju tu mengecik ke ... tuan badan mengembang?'

I was rewarded with a masam look that's more masam than the face that you make on tasting juice limau masam.

Oldstock said...


I'll leave you ladies in eternal suspense. Kan I dah kata, there's no need for you to know everything, heheheh...

Oldstock said...


Once in a while must act tough maa...

I ate dinner at the mamak shop near my office before going home ;-)

Oldstock said...

Salam Pakmat,

I guess it's true that wives instinctly become suspicious when brothers are in a hush-hush mode. But in this case, both wives were involved in the information loop, albeit on the surface only. If I wanted to involve my brother in something sinister, I would have definitely tried to avoid interacting with the wives in any way.

The lesson here it seems, is : If you let your wife know a little, then be prepared to tell her the whole lot. Otherwise, don't let her know at all.

Oldstock said...


I guess then, women have to learn to overcome the fear of being left out or left behind. If you know that we love you, we wouldn't leave you behind.

But then again, I admit that many men have abused this trust. I've seen too many examples already. So perhaps, I need to understand that the basis of women's curiosity is largely concern/worry.

Tapi kan... takyah la nak tanya banyak-banyak sangat. So when I start to give short and sharp replies, you know what to do.

You take care now too :-)

VersedAnggerik said...


bini2 nih boleh jadi mcm polis pencen erk?

D said...

wow - 27 comments so far! LOL!!

totally agreed. I too get suffocated with people who fuss! Knowing the nature of women, I often avoid asking them questions/favours because soon, the whole kampung will know!

you're doing fine, I'd say! :)

HLiza said...

I learned this lesson by watching what happened between my parents..still trying hard now not to be like my mom. I remember a famous actress saying that your husband is only yours at home; out of it he has the freedom to do hat he likes. And I believe this freedom you give will actually tie him more to you indirectly..

Tinta Mustika said...

Hi Uncle Oldstock!

Hic-up once in a while eh?

Well, I always tell hubby, trustworthyship is a must. I don't hv to ask but you 'hv to tell'. Just 'enough' for me to know as long as you don't lie. Vice-versa.

Tapi kekadang tipah tertipu jugak! (Tertipu sebab tak tanya banyak2) Cumanya bila org buat salah, dia mesti tak leh duduk diam punya. Akhirnya mengaku sendiri!

Don't worry, be happy. Uncle is one of my trustworthy man in the family! Luv you both!

P.S: Jemput meraikan khatam Nadya pd hari raya kedua nanti. Insya Allah.

Zendra said...

Hey, what gives Oldstock, posting that on a malam Jumaat? Kill mood lah!!!

Jangan marah.... I ask only one question what.

Patricia said...

Just put the shoe on the other foot for a bit. If she'd called you . . . .

Now tell me, wouldn't you want to know?

If you say 'No', I'll say: I don't believe you!!!

Oldstock said...


Mengalahkan Special Branch... muahaha!

Oldstock said...


Any post relating to women's personality would sure attract many hits :-)

Wow... I guess you are in the minority then. There are not that many women I know who are not curious.

Oldstock said...


You trust your hb that much, huh? Your hb is a lucky man. How I wish there more ladies like you.

Oldstock said...

Tinta Mustika,

You are doing the right thing. We will tell you just enough for you to know. Otherwise, we would not tell you at all, which is even worse.

Thanks for the vote of confidence. Love you guys too. Will be back at kampung for raya haji, insyaAllah.

Oldstock said...


Kills my mood or yours, hahahaha :-)

No worries lah, the missus and I patch up very fast.

Oldstock said...


Nope... I wouldn't want to know. But she'll be dying to tell me anyway :-)

Chahya said...

Curiosity kills the cat?
Things we don't know won't hurt us?


Mrs. Oldstock, keep up the concern & care! hehehhe....
(p.s perhaps rephrasing, retuning intonation, and timing would make a lot of difference?)

Lili said...

Salam Mr Oldstock... it's me again, only this time I'm dropping the 'wan'! hehe! Well, you could say I'm another one of the minority too. I don't ask my other half what he has been doing at work... knowing that he is working of course, nor wanting to know why he would want a certain phone number from me when he asks for. In fact, anybody who calls me up for another person's number I will just give without asking them, 'nak buat ape dengan so and so?' Hehehe! You know what? Without asking, almost always they would tell me the reasons!

I guess, it's the same when hubby never asks why I am so engross with blog-hopping/reading! He gives me space, I give him his...

Patricia said...

Hahahah! Fadhil! How did I know you were gonna say that?!

It is all a matter of trust. Of course, you are right. But, I have always thought, that if we wonder what if ... there must be something wrong in the first place.

But, you are right: you need your space, and she needs hers. You sound like you have a good relationship going there :)

Anonymous said...

Mr Oldstock,

Relationship is, curios,love, care ....and the list goes on.

anneaziz said...

Salam Oldstock.

Kesian Mrs Oldstock she's just curious, layan lah sikit...bgtau sikit without telling the whole story.

But I'm with Lili..I don't ask cos they'll tell when you don't ask and they'll clam up when you do ask.

Anyway a wise old lady told me:

Dengan lelaki:
kalau percaya, jangan harap.
Kalau harap, jgn percaya.

Get it? Sometimes kena jadi magnum P.I...diam-diam lah...

And with permission:


If she asks you THAT question, JUST LIE!

Uncle Lee said...

Hi Old stock if free after your breakfast of nasi lemak and nasi dagang, drive over in your Range Rover to my place, Lee.

Oldstock said...


You can look at it like this : We don't want you to know, therefore you need not worry :-)

Oldstock said...


Okay... now I'm curious, why you used Wan in the first place.

Actually, my missus bukan la curious memanjang. She doesn't bother me with questions about stuff at work or what I do for hours facing the laptop. On the whole, we are doing fine. Cuma sesekali tu je... soalan-soalan yg tak kena tmepat atau masa, heheheh..

Oldstock said...


It works like this : When she wants to tell something, she starts off by saying, `Saya dah bagitau awak tak pasal bla, bla, bla ?' And I will reply, belum. Then she says want she want to say. If I'm interested in the subject, I will have follow-up questions. If I'm not, I'll respond with `Uh-huh', `Ye?', `Ooo', or other single-syllable sounds. She'll then get the message and cuts short the story.

On this matter of trust, the common statement I hear among wives is : Jangan percaya kat laki seratus-peratus!

That's a good rule to live by, hahahaha..

Oldstock said...


Dah bagitau sikit la tu... tapi masalahnya, orang pompuan ni mana buleh nak tau sikit, depa nak tau semua...

I love the advice of the wise old lady, although I'm still trying to understand it :-)

Uncle Lee said...

Hi OldStock, your wish is my command, have put in two, take your pick....and wayyyy to go, my friend, lets groove and boogie!
Have a nice weekend, Lee.

Anonymous said...

Mr Oldstock,

I agree with anneaziz. Sekali sekala layan la Mrs. Oldstock. Apa salahnya layan isteri.I think that is also a way she is saying that she wants your attention.


Anonymous said...

I must add this, bro: its not the questions per se that get to us, its the implication behind them that drive us up the walls. Right?

For example,

Question: Why is your boss (who happens to be a female) calling you at 10.30 pm?

Implication: Are you having an affair with your boss, you no good philandering dirty old man?!

Been there, too, Oldstock. Not a nice place to be.

Oldstock said...


Thanks, my friend. I'm swaying already!

Oldstock said...


After more than 20 years of marriage, Mrs Oldstock has my full attention :-)

Thanks for dropping by.

anneaziz said...

Salam Oldstock.

at time or writing I see 51 comments on your topic and that's not counting those still waiting to be moderated..that shows topic you tu hazardous to health!

Oldstock said...


You're so right.

I don't have a female boss but a few female staff and colleagues. It used to bother me a bit, how the missus would feel about my relationship (strictly professional, of course) with them. Initially I didn't tell her much about my female colleagues but later I thought it was better to let her know who these ladies are. You know, just in case she picks my ringing phone and see a female name on the caller ID... and start assuming yang bukan-bukan.

Oldstock said...

Salam anne,

Hehehe... hazardous to the health but soothing to the soul :-)

somuffins said...

Salam Oldstock..
Kalau dah lama berkawin and the same problem still persists maknanya adalah yang tak betul tu (and I shall not elaborate, hehe)

Oldstock said...

Salam Cik Som,

Tapi kan... ada pasangan tu, dah berpuluh tahun berkahwin, akhirnya berpisah jugak. Lagi tua, lagi tak serasi.... camne tu? ;-)

Aizan Suhaira said...

Mwahahahahahahahahahaha..... omigod this entry is too funny! But hey, I don't belong in that group of Ultra Curious ladies.

Curiosity kills the cat. Yes it does.

Oldstock said...


Hehehe... you are in the minority then, my friend.

Talking about curiosity being a killer, check out the legend of Bluebeard, if you have the time.

Aizan Suhaira said...

I read about Bluebeard a long time back. Good reference. Hahahahaha.....