Heart and Mind

For someone who claims that he is retired, I somehow find myself being busy since the start of the new year. Which is a good thing, I guess.

To keep this blog ticking its slow and steady existence, I'm copying an article I received from former blogger friend Ahan via email, way back in December 2008. I'm trying to do some spring cleaning to my email storage, that's how I came across this interesting article. (Note : The former in the earlier sentence refer to the blogging part, i.e. Ahan no longer blogs, I think. But she is still my friend.)

How to make your heart and your mind work together

The same voice in your mind that told you to act is the same voice that ridicules you later for making that choice.

Am I the only one that thinks this is ridiculous?

I want to show you how I’ve learned to make my heart and mind get along.

Because unfortunately…

It’s typical in our society to feel a conflict between what we want to do (our heart) and what we feel is practical (our mind).

We end up living 1/3 of our lives in a cubicle for the “benefits.” We stay friends with people we only kind of like. We do and say things to fit in and seem cool that really go against what we feel is right in our hearts. Because it’s caused so much heartache in my life, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to diagnose the source of this problem.

Is my heart at fault? Are my feelings just silly and frivolous? Or maybe it’s my mind that’s to blame. It seems like it’s always coming up with conflicting messages anyway.

And on it goes and we never really seem to get to it. There’s a lot of social conditioning that covers up and obscures things too. Even if you really feel like that’s the right choice, how do you know for sure? How do you know it’s not just what you think you should do?

All of this might sound a little over the top, but it’s a real problem. It ruins lives because people can’t make up their minds about whether or not the path of their heart is valid or not. They end up living a shadow of the possibility that they could. All because they couldn’t make up their mind.

There’s a simple answer to this problem. It might seem even a little too simple. But most things are. Bruce Lee once said, “The height of cultivation always runs to simplicity.” I believe this.

First… let’s take a look at where this problem starts.

Confusing the purpose of the heart and mind

The main reason we suffer from this illness of indecision is that we’ve mistaken the purpose of heart and mind. The heart is like a compass, its purpose is to guide the direction our lives should take. Our heart takes a birds-eye view of our life and says “this is where you’re at and this is the direction you need to go.”

Our mind on the other hand isn’t made for making purpose-driven decisions. The nature of the mind is that it conceptualizes, organizes and compares information. It does this as best it can and says “here are the facts, here are both sides of the story.”

If we compare our mind and heart to a courtroom, our mind would be the defendant and the plaintiff (both stories) and our heart would be justice or the judge (the right direction).

The reason we’re so troubled by this conflict of head vs heart is that the mind is not only playing the prosecutor and the defence, but has taken over the role of the judge as well.

The mind should never be the judge. The mind's job is to compare and contrast. To sort things out and say “this is what I’ve got, do what you want with it.”

But more often than not, our mind isn’t doing that. Our mind is making our choices. What’s worse, is even when we don’t need our mind to be at work, it’s still going. Comparing and contrasting everything. Brooding, mostly.

Have you ever noticed that even when it’s completely unnecessary to think about anything, your mind is still going? Have noticed that when this is happening, your mind is getting in the way of your experience? Just a few examples of this that come to mind for me are; sex, watching a sunset or taking a shower. My mind really doesn’t need to be thinking while doing these things.

There’s no point. At all.

Taming the mind

Before we can get the mind to take a break when we don’t need to be incessantly thinking, we have to make friends with it first. If we try to tell our mind to go away, or that we don’t need it, we’ll just encourage it all the more. Instead of a retreat, we’ll get a resurgence. We don’t want that. So if we want to end the conflict of head and heart, we’ve got to figure out a way to marry this disparate pair.

Remember when I told you the answer to this problem is simple? Well, it is. But it won’t be easy at first, because we’ve been doing it all wrong for so long.

What we have to do is only use our mind to go with ourselves. The Latin root for sin means “to go against.” So we have to learn to be without sin.

We have to learn to constantly realign our decisions to be “with ourselves.”

Have you ever wondered how to tell whether a decision is right? It seems so difficult, doesn’t it? But it becomes so easy when you think “Is this choice going with me, or against me?” You’ll find that the right choice is immediately evident.

If you can learn to practice this every time you make a choice, you’ll start to regain your personal power. You’ll create a marriage of your heart and mind. Maybe then their child (you) won’t have permanent emotional damage from the divorce it’s been suffering from for so long.

Make the choice today. Just try it out. I think you’ll like it.

Go with yourself!

Interlude

Here's the first interlude for this year...

An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal.

"It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything."

A few minutes later the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. "I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists.

"She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything."

Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?"

The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"

Interlude

Go fly a kite...

"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. Some say that the sentence, "I do." is the longest...

Interlude

It has been a while since we had an interlude...

Two men at the Pearly Gates

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.

"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I rushed down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but found no one there either. I went as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

"What do you mean?" asks the first man.

"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both be still alive."

Moral of the story : You don't want to die of a heart attack in your own house, so keep fit.

Interlude

I hope I won't get kicked by my friend Versedanggerik for this...

Three kicks


A lawyer was out shooting and shot a duck. As he was about to pick it up, a farmer appeared. "This is my land", said the farmer, "so that is my duck".


"I shot it," said the lawyer. "That means it is my duck and I will sue you to prove it."


"Round here, we don’t hold with court cases," said the farmer. "We go by the Three Kicks Law. I kick you three times; and if you can get back on your feet and kick me three times, the duck is yours."


The lawyer, reckoning he could kick far harder than any farmer, said: "Fair enough." So the farmer kicked him once in the knee, then in the ribs and finally in the groin. "All right," groaned the lawyer, stumbling back on his feet, "now it's my turn."


"Oh, forget it," said the farmer. "You can have the duck."

Undecided

One man to another : "I want to marry a smart woman; a good woman; a woman who'll make me happy."

"Make up your mind."

KL night view from Ampang look-out point

Selingan...

Ramai dari orang kita.... ilmunya tinggi tetapi pemikiran cetek.

Pengalamannya luas tetapi pandangan sempit.

Berlagak sebagai pemimpin kepada ramai tetapi tingkah laku dipengaruhi segilintir.

Berbicara dengan penuh kobar tetapi bertindak sekadar indah khabar...

Low tide at sunset (October 2011)

Interlude #2/2011

I've got nothing much to write about... so here's the second interlude for the year, a subject close to my heart...

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
-----------------------

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
-----------------------

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - Take Three

A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these people? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The priest said, "Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi George, what's the matter with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The green keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist friend and see if there is anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

There's more where that came from (up to Take Eight)... but let's stop at three first. Credit to samshik@cari.com.my, who I'm sure got it from somewhere too..

Interlude

There was a news report in yesterday's The Star Online about DPM Muhyiddin planning to discuss with US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton about reviving the US Peace Corps programme to get American volunteer teachers to teach our students the English language. It makes me wonder if the quality of the teachers we have now are not up to par for us to resort to outside help. If really such help is needed, then I would think it would be better for the Americans to teach our local English language teachers, rather than directly teaching the students. I am sure the local teaching profession has some views on this.

In the 1970's, there was a group of American Peace Corps volunteers who helped teach the students at MRSM Kuantan. They taught us Maths and the Science subjects... but not English. The English language was taught entirely by local teachers, and such good English teachers they were. I love and respect all my English teachers then... and I do trust the present-day ones have the same capability and skills as those who helped me those years ago.

On that note, here's the first interlude for 2011 :

A Malaysian girl whose command of English is not too good, accidentally bumped into a Matsalleh tourist.

`I am sorry,' the girl said.

`I am sorry too,' responded the tourist.

The girl was puzzled and replied, `I am sorry three...'

The Matsalleh was even more confused. `What are you sorry for?'

Girl desperately offered, `I am sorry..... five?'

Interlude

I know I promised my readers the next part of the story published in the previous post... but there is this extremely funny thread started by my friend Captain Norhisham Kassim on his Facebook wall which I wish to share. The following was copied from Norhisham's wall without his permission... but I'm certain he wouldn't mind.

Kenangan bersama adik beradik masa nak tidur….

Pak Pandir panjat pokok pisang. Pokok pisang patah. Pak Pandir panjat pulak pokok petai. Pokok petai pun patah. Pak Pandir pun panggil Pak Paiman Polis. Pak Paiman polis pencen. Polis pencen pun pakai pistol? Pak Pandir pikir… Pak Pandir panik. Pikir punya pikir, Pak Pandir... pengsan. Polis pencen pulak panik. Panik punya panik… polis pencen pulak pengsan. Pinish…

The thread was started yesterday 29 July 2010 and is continuing with contributions by friends who have posted stories where the words all start with the same letter. The original story above starts with P. Since then, there have been those starting with J, S and K. Totally hilarious!

Relax kejap...

I guess it is quite normal for the beginning of the new year to be a busy time for most folks. The whole country is mired in this unnecessary religious tension relating to the name that one should use to call one's God. I would like to share my views on this issue too... but it would require a bit of extra thought, time and care to write about something that is sensitive to many people. Maybe later, I think... when things have cooled down a bit.

For now, let's relax and enjoy a piece from my Lawak Santai collection. Credit for the joke goes to rosary_razz at cari.com.my.

Minah, oh Minah...

Alkisah di sebuah kampung Tirai Malam (malam jarang pakai tirai kan..hehehe), tinggalah sepasang suami isteri yang memiliki seorang anak dara yang cun gila wa cakap…

Namanya Minah...tapi ilmu kurang sikit.. hehehe.. biasa la setiap insan ada kekurangan dan kelebihan masing-masing. Tahap air laut la kemasinannya... Minah ni memang menjadi siulan jejaka-jejaka dan jantang miang kat kampung tu tapi sikitpun tak diendahkan.

Si Minah ni berjiran dengan Lebai Aji dan Mak Aji yang mempunyai seorang teruna yang alim lagi warak dan muda remaja. Maka kedua-dua keluarga pun menyatukanlah mereka berdua dalam upacara gilang gemilang.

Selepas semuanya selesai.. maka keesokannya mak Minah ni dok la kat dapur sembang-sembang sambil bagi nasihat kat anaknya yang baru kahwin tu…

Emaknya : Beruntung kau Minah dapat kawing ngan si Mamat tu.. bukan saja hansom tapi baik...warak budaknya.. pot pet pot pet, mak Minah ni dok puji menantu dia.

Minah : Baik apanya... semalam dia selak kain Minah!


Stay cool you all... don't let a few mindless jerks spoil the harmony that we all enjoy :-)

English can be a very hard language

Here's an interlude for this month. Don't click on the image if you feel offended by culturally sexist jokes.

English can be a very hard language

No hints, just say it!

I'm taking a break from preparing a powerpoint presentation for tomorrow's meeting. Here's an interlude that I remember getting in an email some time back but rediscovered just now.

The Men’s Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

The signs of getting old

There are times when you feel so tired of doing things that you do... that you just want to drop everything and do nothing. I'm sure you know the feeling. It has nothing to do with mood swings or that `time' of the month. Just mental fatigue, I guess.

Today feels like such a day for me. But rather than mope about it, I'm sharing an interlude with you that hopefully would lift some spirits, especially mine.

Duda bertemu janda

(Credit to speedo at cari.com.my)

Di sebuah perkampungan ada seorang duda yang sudah berumur dan tinggal seorang di rumahnya. Anak-anaknya semua bekerja di bandar. Berdekatan rumahnya itu ada seorang janda yang juga agak berumur dan juga tinggal seorang diri. Sudah bertahun lamanya mereka berjiran dan sering juga berhubung kala kesunyian.

Suatu hari… di petang yang redup... si duda duduk di bawah pokok rambai.. merenung ke arah rumah si janda. Si janda perasan dan datang menegur si duda... "Pak Uda oii.. ape yang dimenungkan nye tu... "

Si duda menunduk seketika... lalu menjawab, "Ada perkara aku nak bagitau ko ni Mak Jan.."

Berkerut dahi si janda... kerana kelihatan serius pulak si duda tu. "Ape nyer ..serius je bunyi nyer.."

Si duda merenung si janda... lalu dengan segala kekuatan yang ada dia berkata... "Aku ni kepingin nak berbinikan ko... ko sudi tak?"

Si janda tersenyum… dan diam seketika ..lalu si janda menjawab, "Erm... sudi... "

Setelah berborak seketika... si janda dan duda pun pulang kerumah masing-masing kerana hari sudah menjelang senja.

Pada malam itu… si duda gelisah... dia tidak ingat jawapan yang diberikan si janda petang tadi. Adakah dia sudi atau tak... yelah dah tua... memori pendek sikit. Setelah berfikir sejenak... si duda tidak jugak mendapat jawapan... lalu terpaksalah dia bertanya sekali lagi kepada si janda. Si duda pun mendail nombor telefon si janda… nak datang rumah tak molek pulak dah malam-malam camni...

"Helo... Mak Jan.. Pak Uda di sini. Aku ingin bertanya... almaklum dah tua mudah lupa... petang tadi aku bertanya pada ko, sudikah ko berkahwin dengan aku. Err.. apakah yang ko jawab?"

Mendengar suara si duda.. si janda pun berkata, "Aku jawab aku sudi… ikhlas dari hati. Selamat ko telepon aku, Pak Uda... "

Si duda pelik dengan kata-kata si janda lalu bertanya... "Kenapa?"

Dan si janda menjawab, "Aku pun lupa siapa yang ajak aku kawin petang tadi….."

Weekend at home

For the past four consecutive weekends, I have been away on the road. This meant that the normal chores that I do on weekends have been neglected. The plants in my compound have overgrown and my garden is an embarassment.

This weekend therefore, shall be spent at home and catching up on tasks that are long overdue. It started this afternoon with cleaning of the fish tanks. Work will continue tomorrow with some trimming and re-potting of plants. No posts about weddings or makan angin. Instead I'll leave you with an interlude that came to mind after I read blogger Andrea's entry that contained the `F' word...

Mencarut dalam kelas

Dalam sebuah sekolah rendah, terdapat seorang budak darjah 3 bernama Dollah. Dia dimarahi oleh gurunya (Cikgu Saodah) kerana mencarut di dalam kelas dengan menyebut f**k. Lalu Cikgu Saodah pun mendenda Dollah dengan berdiri di atas meja.

"Dollah!! Kenapa kamu mencarut tadi?" tanya Cikgu Saodah.

Dengan perasaan hairan Dollah pun jawap, "Erk, saya mencarut ke Cikgu? Saya ikut bapak saya cakap je…"

"Kamu tau ke apa maksud perkataan yang kamu sebut tadi?" tanya Cikgu Saodah lagi.

"Tahu Cikgu," jawap Dollah dengan yakin. "F**k tu maksudnya enjin kereta tokleh start Cikgu.."

Interlude - Man vs Woman Process Flow

Here's an interlude for this month of May. It comes from my forwarded emails category. Click on the graphics for a larger view. Better still, right-click on the images and then `Save Image As' to your own PCs so you can forward them at your own pleasure.

Thanks to my pal Amir who gets such humourous snippets from God knows where :-)

Apasal complicated sangat ?

It's so taxing

Being the perennial last-minute guy that I am, I've just managed to squeeze in my income tax returns by e-filing a few minutes ago. Luckily I could access the Inland Revenue Board's computers because the servers were jammed when I tried them yesterday.

I have just realised that we can now claim for deduction of expenses for sports equipment up to a maximum of RM300. This includes purchase of consumable sports items such as golf balls and shuttlecocks. Looks like I better resume playing badminton again this year.

I started posting in this month of April with a joke so maybe it's good to close with a joke too. This time, it is about an Irishman who meets his tax inspector.

Paddy and The Taxman

The Inland Revenue decides to audit Paddy, and summons him to an appointment with the most thorough Tax Inspector in the office. The Tax Inspector is not surprised when Paddy shows up with his solicitor.

The Tax Inspector says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Paddy. "How about a demonstration?"

The Tax Inspector thinks for a moment and says, "Okay. You're on!"

Paddy says, "I'll bet you a thousand pounds that I can bite my own eye."

The Tax Inspector thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it.

The Tax Inspector's jaw drops.

Paddy says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand pounds that I can bite my other eye."

The Tax Inspector can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned Tax Inspector now realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Would you like to go double or nothing?" Paddy asks. "I'll bet you six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The Tax Inspector, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way Paddy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although he strains like hell, he can't make the stream reach the bin on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the Tax Inspector's desk.

The Tax Inspector leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a major loss into a big win. But Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" the Tax Inspector asks.

"Not really," says the solicitor. "This morning, when Paddy told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me 10,000 pounds that he could come in here and pee all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it!"

Lawak buah

Let's start this first day of April with a joke...

Lawak Buah

Tiga orang pengembara dalam hutan ditangkap oleh se puak orang cannibal. Ketua puak tu pun mengarahkan anak buahnya supaya membunuh ketiga-tiga lelaki itu untuk dijadikan santapan. Ketiga-tiga lelaki itu pun merayu dengan sepenuh hati supaya mereka dibebaskan.

Oleh kerana mereka merayu dengan bersungguh-sunggguh, ketua puak itu pun setuju untuk melepaskan mereka dengan satu syarat. Syaratnya ialah mereka perlu mencari 10 biji buah dari jenis yang sama.

"Ah.. nie simple punya keje".. kata mereka dalam hati.

Maka mereka pun berpecah ke dalam hutan untuk mencari buah-buahan tersebut dengan diiringi oleh beberapa lelaki dari puak tersebut.

Lelaki yang pertama keluar dengan membawa 10 biji buah nenas. Kemudian berkata ketua puak kepada anak buahnya, "Sumbatkan buah tersebut ke dalam punggungnya. Kalau dia mengeluarkan bunyi, bunuh dia!" Lalu buah nenas itu pun disumbatkan ke dalam punggung lelaki malang tersebut. Pada buah nenas yang kedua, lelaki itu pun menjerit dan dia pun dibunuh.

Kemudian lelaki kedua pun muncul. Dia membawa 10 biji ciku bersamanya. Dia pun dikenakan tindakan yang sama. Oleh kerana buah ciku kecil, lelaki itu dapat bertahan sehingga buah ciku yang kelapan. Pada masa ini, tiba-tiba lelaki tu ketawa. Maka dia pun dibunuh.

Apabila sudah mati, roh orang yang pertama pun berjumpa dengan roh orang yang kedua. "Kenapa kamu ketawa pada buah ciku yang kelapan?" tanya roh pertama. Jawab roh yang kedua, "Aku nampak rakan ketiga kita tu keluar dengan membawa buah durian!"

Moral: Jangan gelakkan orang... heheheh...

Credit to bacteria82@cari.com.my

Interlude

This is just something to take my mind off things...

Peringatan... jangan minta cerai dalam kereta

Sepasang suami isteri yang selalu menghadapi masalah perhubungan tengah berbincang masalah mereka dalam sebuah kereta. Si suami tengah memandu.

Isteri : Kita dah berkawin 15 tahun dah, saya rasa saya tak sesuai lagi bersama dengan awak... saya nak mintak cerai dengan awak.....

Si suami diam dan terus memandu kereta ...bertambah laju....(70km/j)

Isteri : Saya dah tak cintakan awak lagi...sebenarnya saya dah ada teman lelaki....dia akan berkahwin dengan saya lepas awak ceraikan saya... saya malas nak cerita panjang lagi.. dan saya tak nak awak cuba pujuk saya… saya dah bosan hidup dengan awak!!

Si suami terus memandu dengan penuh perasaan marah... masih diam...

Isteri : Bila kita bercerai, saya nak rumah kita...

Si suami masih diam... memandu dengan lebih laju....(80km/j)

Isteri : Saya nak anak kita juga... awak bukan boleh pelihara mereka.....

Si suami masih diam... tambah kelajuan (100 km/j)

Isteri : Saya nak kereta ini, credit card dan saving akaun kita.

Si suami masih diam, membelok kereta ke arah Jaya Jusco...

Isteri : Awak ada ingin minta apa-apa??

Suami : Tak perlu....saya dah ada apa yang saya perlukan.

Isteri : Ya ke?? Apa yang awak ada..??

Si suami menjawap sebelum beliau melanggar dinding konkrit Jaya
Jusco... “Saya ada air bag.....awak tak ada..”

Credit to : cikedis_mango @ cari.com.my

It's tough being a contractor

Most of you would have deduced by now that I'm working in the construction industry. It is a tough job to be in... but rather than tell you a story about my struggles, I'd like to start the new year by posting a light-hearted one.

This joke was relayed to me years ago by a friend after he found out that I was working in a construction firm.

Building a bridge between Heaven and Hell

The people in Hell were suffering terribly from the endless torture. One day, some of them decided to plead to God for a reprieve and begged to be allowed to visit Heaven, even if it was for only a day.

God asked the people in Heaven what they thought. The kind-hearted people in Heaven, especially those who had family and friends in Hell, asked for God's mercy to agree to the idea. God thought about it for a while and agreed to let the people from Hell to visit Heaven for a day. He commanded the people from each side to build a bridge that would meet in the middle.

The people in Hell were estatic and started the construction of their side of the bridge with great gusto. After some time, God checked on the progress and was surprised that the Hell side of the bridge has been completed. However, the Heaven side had not shown any progress at all. So he asked the people in Heaven, `How come?'

The people in Heaven replied, `We are so very sorry, O God. There is nobody in Heaven who knows how to build a bridge. All the contractors are in Hell...'