Thursday, 25 February 2010

The last person to know

Not many of the younger generation on Facebook want to be friends with their relatives of the older generation for fear that news of their activity posted on FB profiles would reach unwanted parties, namely their parents. Not that they are doing anything terribly nasty or the like... but more on matters of the heart.

A few of my nieces have added me as friends and it has been interesting for me to see the things that are going on with their life from their status and photo updates. It is how I know who's just been traveling to where, who's having problem with boyfriends or other stuff young girls like to chat about. I drop in once in awhile, dropping a comment or two... mostly in jest. But the things I learn about them, I keep to myself... because I'm not a spy. I do not leak info to their parents or even to my wife. That's why I'm such a cool uncle :-)

One such niece, I observed, is seeing a new guy and I reckon the relationship is heading a serious direction with marital commitments becoming likelihood. But I wasn't sure if anybody else knew because nobody else in the family is talking about it... not even the young lady's parents whom I met a few weeks ago.

Last weekend, the young lady went home to her kampung. Accompanying her was her boyfriend who's being introduced to the parents for the first time. My sister-in-law received one of the biggest shocks of her life. The young man her daughter brought home is a Chinese.

News is now spreading fast through the family grapevine that so-and-so is dating a Chinese guy. The story reached my wife from another sister and she's just told me about it this evening. I feigned a little surprise as if I knew nothing about it.

This niece of mine is really a pretty lass and is known to be involved in relationships with a few Malay men before, at various stages. Apparently, none of them worked out. She's following her heart and hoping that her jodoh is now with a man of another race.

To my lovely niece from Mersing who shall remain nameless for now, I pray that you find the happiness that you seek. I wish you all the best and hope everything will work itself out in the end...


ummuazas said...

You,re right, as sometimes old relatives intrude in their lives and become busybodies

HLiza said...

Such a cool uncle..he he..sometimes in the matter of the heart..people just need to hear to what the heart says..race and colour are just external differences. I wish she find happiness too.

D said...

Oh yes... this is an interesting topic indeed! About a year ago, my niece found me and added me as her friend. Like you, I too was updated about her goings on, etc up to the extent that I didn't feel comfortable when the youngsters were being cheekily funny (if you know what I mean). Later, I discovered she had removed me - obviously once she realised that her aunt would know a little too much about her life! LOL!!

From a different angle, that's partly why I am against adding underaged children (13 is the age allowed) to be my FB friends. I don't want to expose too much about myself to my children's friends!!


mamasita said...

I hope your niece will be very happy and successful in finding her suitable mate..hopefully its finally the right person for her..kita hanya boleh doakan saja semoga dia bahagia.

Aizan Suhaira said...

Hmm.. I see no problems of dating a guy of a different race. In fact, I've actually dated a Malay guy only once, the rest are non-Malays.

My uncle married a Chinese, my aunt married a Penang mamak... so there's really no issue on inter-racial marriages in my family.

On the adding relatives in FB. Hmm.. I have my grouses. Now I have to tweak my privacy settings so that certain people won't fully be able to see my profile.

And in case you're wondering. I had to add them in FB. There's not much choice. :P

lili said...

Salam Oldstock,

I signed up for facebook after some pestering from my nieces and nephews because they knew their aunt here is 'a cool aunt...kaki lawak...cracko and whateverlah'! muahaha!

Alahai, kesian ek the last person to know tu! If only she knew you knew! But I think, by now, she knows more than you!! Hehe...

hazeleyed lady said...

Let's pray for the best for that niece of yours.
Have a great week end.

Tommy Yewfigure said...

Hi Mum & Dad, “Guess who’s coming for dinner?” Do you remember that Sidney Poitier’s movie?

Ya, this is indeed a difficult one especially for the parents. Anyway I had resigned to the fact that so long as the children (working) are happy in their choices & have genuinely found their soul mate (irrespective of their ethnicity/religious belief), so be it, they’ll have my full blessing.

I vaguely remembered reading a book in my Malay literature class years ago, how this Buddhist girl married a Muslim man & the day her mother died, she was tossing whether she should go thru’ some of those Buddhist funeral rituals since she’s a Muslim now. I’d forgotten the title & what happened in the end. Is there anyone out there that can help refresh my memory?


Zendra-Maria said...

Oldstock, in my case i leave it to my children, nephews and nieces to request me to be their friend, after suffering the humiliation of being turned away by one of my own hehehe

By the way, can I be your fb friend too? ;)

NanaDJ said...


I find FB very useful for keeping in touch with my relatives (brother, nieces and nephews) who are scattered everywhere. It is also the easiest way of transmiting
the latest news especially when I have approximately 70 first cousins and to date 37 nieces and nephews.
As for intermarriage, if it is their jodoh so be it, after all marrying the same race is no gurantee that the marriage will last either.

Oldstock said...


Generally the older generation are busybodies out of concern more than anything else. Just like what our parents use to do to us previously.

Welcome to this blog. Looking forward to more comments from you.

Oldstock said...


I bet you are a cool aunt too :-)

Oldstock said...


I have other nieces and nephews whom I know are on FB but I've never been the one to request the add in the first place because I know they might not be comfortable with it. It's entirely up to them if they want to add me.

This particular niece was one of the earlier ones to request me to add her... because she knows I'm cool. And that we are both Liverpool fans :-)

Oldstock said...


Amin to your doa. She has made her choice. It's time for us to hope that the best will happen for her.

Oldstock said...


You're right about dating a guy from a different race. The mother didn't actually object because she accepts that such things can happen... cuma the daughter did not warn her beforehand.

But I've yet to hear what the father thinks of all this...

Oldstock said...

Salam Lili,

Wow... another cool aunt heh? Good for you.

As it is now, my wife thinks that I'm the last person to know. And you're right of course, she now knows more than me. But I believe I can chat with my niece about her situation and she'll probably reveal more to me than to my wife... but we'll let things go their natural course. No need to be a winner in everything.

Oldstock said...

Lady Hazel,

Thank you for the prayers. You have a good weekend too.

Oldstock said...


Nice to know that you are open-minded about inter-racial marriage. I have growing-up sons of my own and we never know what destiny brings. The best that we can do is to guide them to find their own happiness and wish them well.

Sorry I can't help you with that Malay book title. Maybe the other readers could help.

Oldstock said...


I'd love to be friends with you in FB. Just search fadhil.isma(at)gmail.

Oldstock said...

Salam NanaDJ,

Yes, FB is really a useful tool. I keep my sis-in-law who is in UK, updated via FB. Of course, FB is the most wonderful way to re-connect with old friends, especially those who went to school together.

And I agree with your point about the inter-racial marriage thing. Thanks.

Tinta Mustika said...

Assalamualaikum Uncle,

The Last Person To Know, eh?

I guess that will be ME not mak, okay! Not even my husband...and not even my brother!

Being 38 going to 40...I think theres nothing coming out from this 'really pretty lass' of our family could suprise me, yet they always under estimate usual.

That man was married before. Has one kid. They only know each other for two months(according to my brother). I dont event know which one is the most concerning to that Chinese man. Understanding what is the meaning of converting to muslim or just that pretty faces.

Conservative? Well names me whatever you want. If 'really pretty faces' can buy you a ticket of happiness...I wish her all the best!

Just because I want her to be a better muslimah, some of us (sampai hati) labeled me as an extremist, perfectionist and overeact! Sejak bila pulak memperbaiki diri dgn menurut perintah Tuhan menjadi ekstrem? Cubalah rajin2 baca al-Quran DAN fahami tafsirannya. I bukannya nak join up puak Taliban!...(LOL)

And excuse me, mak tak kisah? From what I heard, its the other way around.Entahlah siapa yang betul. Right now, semua orang takut nak cakap kat I. Takut I bagi 'khutbah'. (tidakkah mereka fikir-fikirkan pengajaran yang tertulis daripada Surah al-'Asr?)

I hv no objection of her jodoh,really...races r not the main concern.

But how she leads her social life is a BIG concern to me. Knowing her...well, I m not perfect either. Zaman sekarang, orang menilai muka cantik lebih mulia daripada akhlak baik!

Sedangkan Islam meletakkan standard sebaik-baik perhiasan di dunia ialah seorang wanita yang solehah.

Begitu berbezanya penilaian Allah dengan penilaian manusia!

If she wants to help her future husband becoming a good muslim, she, herself must be a good muslimah. If she can prove that, go ahead lah.

I hv seen so many examples in life ...friends, families and personal experiences. Perkahwinan itu ada matlamatnya. Bukan setakat di dunia sahaja.

But if she think shes ready to ride on the challange, again, I wish her the best of luck. I pray that she'll realise one need more then just tough luck.

Marriage is not like 'Akademi Fantasia'.

Hanya Allah (yang Maha Pemberi Hidayah) sahajalah yang boleh memberi hidayah kepada hati manusia.
Tidak ada manusia yang boleh melakukannya terhadap manusia lain.
Dan hanya manusia itu sendiri yang boleh mengubah hati mereka.
Tidak oleh manusia yang lain.


Patricia said...

I think all will be well.

My daughter brought home a French man; my son brought home a Chinese girl. And we love them both.

About 25 years ago, my then husband-to-be took home an Indian girl and it rocked the bottom off his parents' world. But only for a while. It is all good now.

We had a good time this CNY, our lovely extended family. We have Malaysian Chinese, and one Malaysian Indian ;) An Englishman; a Dane; two Americans: one who's family hails from India, the other with roots somewhere in mainland China!

And so we have all the 'mixes' that people say make for intelligence, and beautiful children!!!! Hahahah!

Oldstock said...

Alaikum salam Tinta,

When I first thought of posting this story, I wasn't sure how you'd feel but I guess, the secret is going to surface sooner or later.

I know you feel very strongly about this issue but don't be too discouraged if you are the last person to know. That `pretty young lass' of ours certainly has a mind of her own. We may not like what she has done but what we need to focus on now is how to make things work out for her. I'm not saying that I'm condoning what she is doing... heck, I would have reacted entirely differently if I'm the father, but that is another story.

You are quite right about how your mother is feeling now, and I cannot claim to know about that without first talking to her in person. There is only so much I can write about in this blog without revealing too much and hurting other people's feelings.

I'm sorry to read that some people misunderstand you, but rest assured, you are one of my favourite nieces because you are intelligent and honest. Don't let this episode bring you down.

Oldstock said...

Hi Pat,

Thanks for the positive views... I knew I could count on you to give us a clear perspective on inter-racial marriages.

You have a wonderful mix there. Colourful and vibrant. Would love to meet you guys one day.

Andrea Wh@tever said...

Hi Mr Oldstock,

What a cool uncle you are!

I only use my FB account for 3 things:

1) To play online Scrabble with my mother

2) To play with my pet *cough* Tony Leung *cough* on Pet Society

3) To be the kaypoh auntie and see what my nephews/nieces are up to.


Kak Teh said...

Oldstock, oe of my children loves to leave hisher FB account open, so I actually took the opportunity to roam around his/her contacts - and what fun i had leaving messages and comments. It felt nice to be naughty - almost youg again.

Helang terbang tinggi said...

you seem to be an understanding uncle..yeah i do admit our soulmate is fated by Allah..but as long as we believe He knows the best for us..everything will turn out to be ok..:)

anneaziz said...

Salam Oldstock,

Ok lah tu....semangat 1Malaysia dah menular!

Ummi365 said...

lama dah tak masuk sini.. infact i have been hibernating from the blogger world too more active in FB. Wah you are such a cool uncle lah.. bestttt!!!

nora uteh said...

salam oldstock.

i have been following your blog for quiet some time now. never a commentor just a follower. I have noticed that our niece da tukar nama for some months now. I just hope everything will go well for her, knowing the sentiments from our family.

I joined fb just to keep track of my three daughters and dapat juga cari kawan2 lama. So far tak de la yang I tak bole terima langsung.
Enjoyed your writing so far.. keep it up

Oldstock said...

Hi Andrea,

How come no.3 on the list doesn't quite surprise me.... heheheh..

Oldstock said...

Kak Teh,

You browse through your kid's FB, huh... that's really mischievous, hehe.. kesian budak-budak tu :-)

Oldstock said...

Salam Sdri Helang,

Being understanding in this case relates to knowing how much to tell and how much to keep to yourself. It is sometimes hard to decide on matters concerning private feelings. Ask too much, nampak macam kepoh... don't ask at all, nampak macam tak concern.

Thanks for dropping by here and commenting. Are you really in NY?

Oldstock said...

Salam anne,

Not sure about her semangat 1Malaysia... but I reckon those Malay guys who were trying to woo her didn't know how to do it properly.

Oldstock said...

Hi Ummi,

Welcome back... it's okay, I know you sibuk menjahit :-)

Oldstock said...

Salam Kak Nora,

At last I can see you commenting on something, heheheh..

Actually, she was the first of our relatives that added me in FB, much earlier than you or your girls. I am quite surprised that her parents and siblings know about it this late. There would have been certain things I would do if I were her father or brother, but I won't interfere unless asked. Anyway, let us hope it all turns out for the best.

I pity your 3 girls... having mom monitoring their FB activities, muahaha!

And probably after this, their father too... hehehe..

nazyha said...

Hye uncle..

Firstly, tq for being such a nice uncle to us..:-)

Secondly, I don't mind my mama monitoring my FB activities, because I know that I didn't do anything wrong and I know how to control myself.. My parents had taught me well.. In fact all of us had given our FB password to her, so far she has never misuse it, she will always ask our permission whenever she feels the need to use it.:-)

Thirdly, as 4 abah.. He will be ok.. My family will be the rockers family in the Mohd Amin's clan.. I thank god 4 giving us a very open minded family. Tapi uncle, open minded pun, we still know our limits. Hehehe...:-)

Oldstock said...

Wah... Cik Ah pun dah mula komen kat blog uncle nya, heheheh :-)

I'm JusT A pAinTeR said...

salam uncle...

1st: Thank u so much...

i luv my big fam,aunties,uncle,cuzzen n etc..

2nd: frankly, i never thought to settledwn my life wt any man b4...coz y? only me n God knw y..n i dunt wanna talk about malay man @ muslim man..Christian? Hindu? Buddhis??

3rd: sorry to tinta.. i didnt mean to hurt u.. u will nvr knw how much that i luv u...

4th: i hope i will find my own happiness..

Remember thiz : I LUV U GUYS... love u... love u so much...

* u will never walk alone * peace*

Oldstock said...

Hi Painter!

Didn't know that you would make it to this blog of mine... but I'm glad you did.

It is a difficult thing to talk about... this subject of love and commitment. But as I've mentioned earlier, if you need my help to make this thing work, please let me know.

Always the best wishes from me.