Thursday, 3 September 2009

No hints, just say it!

I'm taking a break from preparing a powerpoint presentation for tomorrow's meeting. Here's an interlude that I remember getting in an email some time back but rediscovered just now.

The Men’s Rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered '1' ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

24 comments:

Chahya said...

Whoa! Good luck Oldstock.

p.s
Mrs. Oldstock, I'm on your side.

LOL

Aizan Suhaira said...

Huh? What do you mean? We can never have too many shoes! And yeah, so we have enough clothes. But want more. MORE!

D said...

hey, tak baik!!! Give me girlfriends any day - I don't even want to be near a man after reading this! :)

ps: this must be written by a real MCP!

HLiza said...

Paham..paham..tapi kena banyak reminder..he he..kan mudah lupa..

ladymarko said...

Of course shopping is not a sport. It's THERAPY! :-)

mamasita said...

Ouch! How many days will the couch have you? hehe
Campers are not welcomed for sahur you know? You're in BIG trouble Sirr!

Snakebite said...

nak tambah sikit boleh tak?

1. drama tv3, astro ria, drama korea, cina dsbgnya bukan real tv, real tv ialah all the sports channel, discovery, nat geo, history channel and axn. these programms are the reasons God gave us tv.

Oldstock said...

Chahya,

Mrs Oldstock will do whatever Mr Oldstock says. Full stop.

(err... I hope nobody tells her this)

Oldstock said...

Aizan,

Selagi almari baju tu tak penuh... heheheh :-)

Oldstock said...

D,

No lah! This was written by a very practical-minded and realistic guy.

Oldstock said...

Hliza,

Terima kasih kerana memahami... :-)

Oldstock said...

ladymarko,

You are right on this score. Now let me see if I can cut Mrs Oldstock punya credit card...

Oldstock said...

mamasita,

Alaa... dia tahan tengok kita tidur kat sofa tu cuma dua hari je... Pastu sure dia kesian dan ajak tidur balik sama-sama :-)

Oldstock said...

Tok,

Your suggestion is most welcome. Right on the dot!

Emila Yusof said...

Haha good points!!! Lol to mauve! yeah, we women should tell the straight color.

Patricia said...

Hahahah! Great 'ones' here. Chuan thought they were hysterical! Me? I'm still thinking about it . . . .

somuffins said...

Huwaaaa...tersangat kijam! But all the same, muahahahaaaa <- read: senyom simpol amidst gegaran dibadanku.

Nurie said...

ha!Ha!...can so relate to "no hints and obvious hints doesnt work!" Been hinting to my hubby what I like for my birthday for 13 years and every year he still ask me, what do I want and where to go for dinner! Urrgghhh!

Pak Zawi said...

Oldstock,
I thought you were the captain of the ship.Hahahaha.

Oldstock said...

Emila,

Mauve to kaler ape ek? Lagi satu, burgundy.

Oldstock said...

Pat,

No need to think lah... they are all right! Hahahaha!

Oldstock said...

somuffins,

siapa yg tersangat kijam, the guys or the girls? heheheheh....

Oldstock said...

Noor,

This time I suggest you say it straightforwardly, `I want a pearl necklace for my birthday this year and the birthday dinner should be at the Burj Al Arab Hotel in Dubai.'

Sure your hb terkejut beruk... hahaha!

Anyway, best of luck with the hint, hint process :-)

Oldstock said...

Pak Zawi,

Sekali sekala, Captain pun kena dengar cakap Minister of Home Affairs...heheheh...