Saturday, 12 June 2010


Why do you have to be a heartbreaker
Is it a lesson that I never knew...

The two lines above are part of the lyrics of a 1982 hit song by Dionne Warwick. It was one of my favourite songs during those struggling days studying for a degree. I remember it particularly well, not because I've been through any heartbreaking experience or the like, but rather for the fast catchy tune and the lovely voice of the singer.

A number of years later, I heard the word `heartbreaker' mentioned by a friend in a casual conversation and yesterday, I was reminded of that occasion again.

I married my wife in November 1988. She hails from the town of Mersing on the east coast of Johor. A few of my bachelor friends accompanied me for the wedding ceremony and we stayed at the house of the bride's elder sister (my sister-in-law to be, at that time). We were introduced to the sister's family that included three children, two girls and a boy, who would officially be my nieces and nephew by the next day.

At the time, the youngest daughter was around kindergarten age and was understandably shy to greet us. She was very sweet and pretty, and all my friends were smitten by her looks. One of them softly spoke to me to say, `You have a lovely niece... when she grows up, she's going to be a heartbreaker.'

Over the years, I've watched the girl grow into a very beautiful young lady and see that the prediction of my friend come true... a few times over. This is the same person who is the subject of my earlier post -> The last person to know.

The young lady's parents was at our house yesterday and my sister-in-law took the chance to tell me and my wife on the latest situation about her daughter. She also revealed the events that followed after the day the daughter brought home her Chinese boyfriend. Towards the end of her narration, my sister-in-law broke down in tears... if I do come across my niece in KL, she says, please do look out for her and give her advice.

Well, young lady... I doubt there is much more that I can add to what I'm sure has already been said by your mom. You have already been granted what you wish for, and no doubt you know the huge challenges that you face ahead.

Perhaps if there is one advice that I can give, it is this : work hard to do things that will heal your mother's broken heart. It is not enough to say or promise that you'll do your best. You have to show the effort and commitment. Sure, it will take time, a long time... but it is not something that is impossible. And we are here to support you if you need it.

Just remember, a mother's affection for her child and her capacity for forgiveness is boundless. Her blessings and prayers for us are something that we don't want to do without.


Kama said...

Salam Oldstock

If there is anything I want to say, I would like to begin by taking my hat off to you (figuratively speaking of course, bukak tudung kalu.. haraaam.. lol)for being a concerned uncle.

This topic piqued me enough to actually read your earlier entry about the same topic. Speaking as a mother, I can very well understand your sister-in-law's feelings.

Going even further, I empathise with your niece writing under the non de plume Tinta. Your heart is in the right place, Tinta. A little khutbah every now and then, untuk kebaikan, should be welcomed.

Sometimes we express our sentiment strongly and openly because we want only the best for them, for the simple reason that we love them.

mamasita said...

Oldstock..I can share no advice at the moment.I have a very independent-minded daughter myself..J lah.
So nak elakkan konfrantasi yang panjang..I let her make her make own decisions and pray for the best..sekali sekala only jer I mengomen..hehe

Snakebite said...

young ppl. they think they know all but truth is they don't know anything about the road ahead and pitfalls in front of them.they always rebel and reject advice given by older ppl.

i m not talking about the boy being chinese, but about all marriege without blessing of parents. buang emak buang sedara kerana cinta they say. but when their marriege yg berdasarkan cinta paling agung itu broke down, they come back crying to their mothers. and mothers being mothers never say i told you so but welcome their daughters with open arms and comfort them.

but i believe,those who has been brought up well, they will always return to the right path after been lost. just give her time

Aizan Suhaira said...

Uhh... what is wrong with having a Chinese boyfriend? It's 2010, not 1969.

Sorry, if I sound harsh. But I just can't understand what's the big deal with inter-racial dating and marriage.

eddy said...

Malaysia is a multi-racial multi-religious country Bro, whether we like it or not somewhere along the timeline our sons and daughters or nephews and nieces will find a partner not of the same race and religion.

I guess we just have to accept this as fate and pray to God Almighty that the relationship works, as both of them will have to work extra hard to make the relationship a success adjusting to different cultures and perceptions and the boyfriend will have to convert to Islam and learn the ways of the religion as well.

That's the tough part, the good news is that the gene pool of the family will be increased and are diversified, that can only be good for the future. Ok, well if the relationship does not work the niece can always go back to the mother for comfort as per Snakebite's comment.

Justiffa said...

When it comes to matters of the heart, nothing is certain & no two situation is ever the same.. yang nampak jahat tapi baik, yang sepatutnya derita tapi bahagia and vice versa.

So tak berani nak komen panjang, hanya dikirim doa for both your SIL & niece that everything will work out in the end.

Oldstock said...

Kak Kama,

There's nothing much for me to add to your comment except to say that I feel very sad for my sister-in-law and I'll try my best to help out where I can. Thank you for your views.

Oldstock said...


When it comes to handling independent-minded daughters, most moms give in because the consequences could be grave if they do not. And they end up praying for the best... that's all that they can do.

Oldstock said...

Tok snake,

We all now will give her the time to work it out... and I hope she will do so, because she always count on us for help or advice.

Oldstock said...


Nothing wrong with having a Chinese boyfriend or husband. It was they way he was revealed to the parents that could've been more proper.

Oldstock said...


The mother has already accepted it as fate although I can clearly see the disappointment. As you said, the couple must now work doubly hard to make the relationship work... and of course, we all pray that it does.

If it does work, then they'll be all the more stronger to face other challenges.

Oldstock said...


Thank you for your kind wishes and doa. We shall all pray for her happiness.

I'm Just A PainTeR said...

i luv mak so much!

Oldstock said...

Ms Painter,

I am surprised that you did manage to read this post.

Don't despair, have confidence to work things out... we are all here to help you..