Father-son conversations

For the past week or so, a few blogger-friends have posted interesting and amusing stories about the conversations with their young children. The witty responses that come from the mouth of our young ones sometimes catch us off-guard, but they never fail to raise a smile or a chuckle from us.

Recording such beautiful dialogue in blog posts is a wonderful way of preserving the memories. Pretty soon, our children grow up... and we long for the days when we could cuddle them and listen to their innocent banter.

My days of cuddling the boys are already over. As you can gather from my earlier posts, my sons have all grown up into young men. The youngest one is already a teenager. So stories about funny and witty replies are all but just memories. A few of these stand up in mind but maybe I'll post them on another day.

Father and two sons, circa 2000

Father-son conversations are not as common as mother-son conversations. The reasons are quite obvious. In general, sons are closer to their mother than their father. There are things that a son can only tell his mother... especially things that relate to emotions and feelings. It is somewhat not a `manly' thing to do to be talking to your dad about stuff like that. Moms understand these things better. Often, the father is the last person in the house to know. Fathers only get consulted on really formal stuff and in particular, any decision that has a financial impact.

My sons have always been closer to their mother... and it is fine by me. Because I can say the same for myself too. So don't ask me if I know the names of my sons' girlfriends... or if they actually do have girlfriends already. My wife would know.

When the eldest boy got the opportunity to study overseas about 2 years back, I had Streamyx broadband installed at home. The main purpose of which was to allow the mother to be in contact with the son on Yahoo Messenger. And when I fitted the webcam on our home desktop a bit later, she can see the image of her son in real-time, all those 8,000 km away. And then she starts worrying if her son is eating well because he looks so thin...

The technology of today has made the old form of communication near obsolete. I am of course, referring to the art of letter-writing between a son and his parent. I don't think my son has ever written a letter to his mother, not even when he was in boarding school. He would feel hard-pressed to write one now, especially in decent, if not classic, Bahasa Melayu. His YM chats with his mother are in standard everyday informal prose.

I remember as a student, writing letters to my mother in classic writing style... the one that starts : Kehadapan ibunda ku yang dikasihi, semuga ibunda dan ayahanda yang berada jauh di tanahair sentiasa dalam keadaan sihat hendaknya...

My mother was a schoolteacher once, hence my letters to her need to be tip-top. It wasn't too much of a trouble for me because I loved writing. Letters to my mother could be four or five pages long. Comparatively, one to my father would be 2 pages at most :-)

I wonder if my mom still keeps my letters. It would be real interesting to re-read them after all these years. I wonder now, what was it that I actually wrote about. Surely personal and emotional stuff mostly, and probably ridiculously embarassing on hindsight. But one thing I can assure you is that the language is gracefully classic.

The voluntary is more difficult than the compulsory

I am of course, talking about the voluntary fasting for six days in the month of Syawal, or more popularly known in Malay as Puasa Enam.

The act of carrying out six days of fasting within the month of Syawal (also known as bulan raya for Malays) is highly encouraged. Prophet Muhammad's (s.a.w.) hadeeth, as recorded in Sahih Muslim, says : He who observed the fast of Ramadan and then followed it with six (fasts) of Shawwal, it would be as if he fasted perpetually.

On the face of it, it really shouldn't be that difficult to fast for six days, since we just completed doing the same thing for 30 straight days just the month before. Furthermore, we are allowed to choose any six days within the month (except for the first day of Aidilfitri), and these six days need not be consecutive. We can spread them out if we so wish.

So why is it then, many Muslims (yours truly included) find it difficult to carry out this task?

I would humbly venture to give the following reasons :

1. Nobody else is doing it. That's why it is difficult to do alone.

Well perhaps, rather than saying `nobody', it is more correct to say `not many'. Muslims who fast in Syawal don't normally declare to others that they are doing so. Since everyone else around you is eating and drinking as they please, it becomes a real challenge for you to fast in such a situation. Fasting the first day out of six is always the most difficult. You go to work and see someone on the roadside lighting up a cigarette.... and you wonder why isn't that guy fasting? It takes a while for it to hit you back... that you're the one who is fasting and not the rest of the world. It becomes doubly difficult when you reach your workplace because you would always have friends and colleagues inviting you out for lunch or teh-tarik.

2. Many friends invite you for a raya makan-makan

The Malaysian culture of holding `open houses' to celebrate the festivities make it difficult for you to find a suitable day to fast. Sometimes when you have already decided to start fasting for the day, a last minute invitation to a makan-makan would tempt you to break your fast. It is somehow not proper for you to accept a friend's invitation but yet, not partake in the spread of delicacies. Nowadays, many companies hold their `open houses' during working hours, hence it can also be tough to fast during the weekdays too.

3. The willpower and motivation becomes weak

Perhaps, this is the main reason why most of us can't do the Puasa Enam. Fasting in Ramadan trains us to be patient and reserved. We are reminded to be watchful of what we hear, say and look at. The moment Syawal arrives, many of us can't wait to free ourselves of such inhibitions and behave in our normal self. Puasa Enam is not obligatory anyway, so why bother? I have to constantly remind myself that the incentive to do voluntary deeds is only evident to those who seek.


Over the years, I have tried a few strategies in maintaining the willpower to carry out Puasa Enam. Initially I thought that doing two days in every week (say each Monday and Thursday) would be a good method. Unfortunately, the uncertain schedule of my work (outstation travel, site meetings etc.) meant that I missed some days. Now, I am trying a different way... I am fasting for six straight days from Monday to Saturday. I'm sticking to my plan, no matter what. Sorry friends, if I can't join you for breakfast or for afternoon tea.

Random pics of nature

Photos taken at Lembah Warisan Bernam located on the upper reaches of Sungai Bernam near Tanjung Malim. The river is the border between the states of Selangor and Perak.

Entrance to common dining area

View of hostel on the upper slopes

Enjoy a dip in the cool waters of the river

Stones and boulders create gentle rapids

Small boulders and pebbles line the river banks

Jantung pisang

Yellow lizard

Caption corrected to : Rajah Brooke butterfly (Tq Pak Zawi)

Individual chalets located on the hillslope with a view of the river

A full week of Aidilfitri traveling

This post is just an expansion of the one I put up previously. I cannot recall having traveled this much in the first week of Hari Raya Aidilfitri. My eldest son was home for his 3-week term break which coincided nicely with the hari raya holidays. Since his flight back was on Friday last week, our trip to KL and beyond was actually more of a necessity than by design. No doubt, the opportunity was taken to visit relatives along the way.

By rotation, this year's first day of Aidilfitri should have been spent at my wife's kampung in Mersing because last year we were in Singapore. We were however in Singapore again this year because the 1st of Syawal fell on a Sunday, meaning the next day would still be a public holiday. This meant that we could take advantage of another day of free parking (parking on non-free days in Singapore can burn a hole in your pocket) plus a full day to visit relatives.

Oldstock's family in Bukit Batok, Singapore

The third and fourth days were spent at my wife's kampung in Mersing, where I get to see my ailing father-in-law for a short while. My wife's side of the family is large. She has twelve brothers and sisters, and understandably, not all can make it back to the kampung. We got to meet eight of them this time, not a bad count.

On the way back from Mersing to Johor Bahru, we stopped at a sister-in-law's house in Kota Tinggi. On Thursday afternoon, we drove out of JB to head out to Kuala Lumpur but we made two stops along the way. The first was to meet a brother-in-law at Tangkak in Muar. The next stop was at Semenyih in Selangor where I visited my uncle (my mom's youngest brother).

The next morning, we sent Along to the airport at KLIA for his flight back to Jordan. At KLIA, I met an old friend who was my senior while studying at Sheffield in the UK. He was also sending his son off back to Jordan. It turns out that my friend's son is studying at the same university as Along and is one year his senior. How's that for coincidence.

At KLIA sending the eldest son back to school

After seeing Along off, we then sent Angah back to his hostel at UiTM Shah Alam. Although he was due to check back in by Sunday, Angah wanted to return early so that he can have some quiet time to catch up on his studies. He has exams to face the following week.

From Shah Alam, we drove on the Guthrie Expressway to head north to Tanjung Malim where another brother-in-law is holding an open house reception. Before actually heading to the reception, we stopped by his kebun on the upstream stretch of Sungai Bernam. My youngest son couldn't resist having a quick dip in clear running water of the river. As Adik is having fun splashing in the river, I strolled around the area to experiment taking macro photoshots of nature. Oh how I wish to have a dSLR in my hands right now.

A dip in the cool waters of Sungai Bernam

A trip to Tanjung Malim is not considered complete if we do not make a stop to eat something at the Garden Seafood Restaurant, notwithstanding the fact that we are going for an open-house reception later. Our dish of choice is the Sweet and Spicy Prawns that is eaten together with the home-made dumpling bread.

Restoran Garden Seafood (Halal) at Tanjung Malim

Sweet and spicy prawns with dumpling

After the light dinner at Garden Restaurant, we made our way to my brother-in-law's kampung house on his wife's side of the family. There we met the latest addition to our family, our 4-month old grandnephew named Kamarull Suhail. The pic below is Suhail in the arms of his mother.

The following day, we made visits to another three houses in the Klang Valley before heading back to Johor Bahru. A full and packed programme of visiting relatives and friends over seven days. Exhausting but fulfilling too. Unlikely to be repeated in the coming years.

Then and now...

It has been quite a hectic week of Aidilfitri celebrations for us this year. The past seven days were filled with near non-stop traveling... and also eating. The cycle of movement can be summarised in a single line as follows : JB -> Singapore -> JB -> Mersing -> Kota Tinggi -> JB -> Tangkak -> Semenyih -> KL -> KLIA -> Shah Alam -> Tanjung Malim -> KL -> JB.

We just returned home late last night, so today shall be strictly spent for rest and recuperation. I'll post the story and photos of our Hari Raya a bit later (if it is not too stale by then). Today's entry is just a brief look at how my three aces have grown. The two pics shown below are of my three sons taken at Aidilfitri at the same location (in front of my parents' home) but after a span of 12 years.

Photo 1 : Three Aces, Aidilfitri 1997

The first pic is a blurry scan of a photograph taken in 1997. Along (left) was 8 years-old, Angah (right) was 6, and Adik (middle) was 2.

Photo 2 : Three Aces, Aidilfitri 2009

The second pic was taken last week. The boys are standing in the same order as they did before. Angah is now taller than his elder brother.

Along has flown back to Jordan on Friday and we sent Angah back to his UiTM hostel the same afternoon. How time flies...